torment. the real person that is hiding inside comes only from torment. the darkest people intrigue me. the most anxious and depraved are the ones who draw me into themselves. i can stroll inside them and get lost for in the similarities.

Forgiving. To a point. It's been hard for me to stop forgiving actually...

emotional abuse. almost no one understand what this means because our society only focuses  on physical and tangilble abuses, the things we can see. most people who go through emotional abuse don't even know what's happening to them. they feel insane or as though this isn't really as big of a problem as it feels to them. they feel oversensitive or weak. it seems that our society needs to understand that this is almost more dangerous than physical abuse. i think a fictional story would get this point across easier as we as humans can relate better to characters than real people since we can mold them and adapt them to what we want them to be. maybe after seeing it on screen people could finally understand, whether they are not related to the situation or deep drowning in the middle of it.

i am not sure that there are words to share with that person. more than anything i would hug her and cry with her. the best thing i can think so say is 'you must have greater faith in yourself and in the self you want to become. do not worry about the present and its pain because it is transient and meaningless in every thing that comes after.'

i am stil searching for the ultimate peace within myself. everyday i battle with the questioning and the condescention of other people in my life. though i have been trying for a desperately long time to rid myself of this suffereing, i find myself unable to stop giving the energy to people who do not deserve it. i still am searching for a niche in my world that will allow me to pursue my dreams, my hopes, without constantly questioning my worth and my sanity because of this upbringing and lifestyle.

I am a valedictorian of my high school class graduating this year and as a result have to give a speech. For a while my mind was plagued with the question of what to speak on. My public school is one that does not often support things like free thinking or a rebellion in society, so I feel it is my civic duty to say something about it.

My speech, as presented at the beginning of June, will ask of my fellow graduates to picture what they want out of life and not what their parents want of them.

I wish it were easier for people to see that they don't have to follow one set path. Dreams don't have to stay dreams forever.